I've been sick for these couple of days. I think I got it from my cousin's kid when he passed food to me with his little fingers. I hesitated to eat but didn't wanna be rude since he was trying to be nice. He's been sick for a week or so. He didn't like me in the beginning, but he's now getting used to me. It makes me happy. He's so cute.
I didn't even go to the interview that was scheduled on Oct.1. Told them that I was sick. They let me have it the day after instead. It was a horrible interview. First of all, I wasn't feeling well and didn't wanna go to begin with. And what makes it the worst was that I didn't even the get company right! I thought it was a different one. The positions' names were exactly the same. Yes, there were clues here and there, and it just didn't ring a bell to me at all because who would ever get the company you interview with wrong!! Well, maybe I am the first one. So as you can imgine, it was awkward.
I've been sleeping or just laying around watching TV even during the day time. I wasn't doing my exercises either. When I did go out, it was so obvious to me that my "mental problem" is quickly getting worse (just by missing positive exercises for a couple of days and staying at home by myself). I went to the supermarket yesterday, and I was a mess. I was nervous all that time, and when had eye contacts with anyone, I freaked out and walked away quickly. I realized these days that what makes me most uncomfortable are eye contacts. It just freaks me out, and I try to avoid them as much as possible. So it's awkward for me and other people too. The same thing goes with my cousin and her husband. They're not just some strangers out there. I'm staying with them. They all say that I can stay as long as I want. We'll have to see.
I'll start working from Monday! I'm still excited! It means I won't be stuck at home all day anymore. I wanna get busy and get a life. That's the way it should be. I need some kind of authority to force me to be busy. Otherwise, I just go too easy on myself. It's no good for my self improvement. I've been that way all my life.
About Me
- Miyonao
- I can't tell you how much I wish my life was a normal one, just like most of my childhood Chinese friends. I wish I didn't have to wander around so much and still not being able to find where I truly belong to. I'm trying to overcome my social anxiety disorder.
Thangkas
6 comments:
Congratulations on your new job. I hope it goes well for you. I think your blog is really interesting. I like reading about your early life and what it is like to live in China. I find going to shops uncomfortable also. Not sure where to look and I imagine what others are thinking about me. I have been trying to adopt the attitude of "who cares what they think" but it is hard.
Thanks for visiting my blog also.
Thank you for commenting, red. It's good to see you back to blogging. "Not sure where to look and I imagine what others are thinking about me." -- that's what exactly in my head too when I'm in a store. In my mind, I know I don't have to care about what others think about me, but I just can't help doing that. It drives me crazy. Eye contact is the hardest one. I freak out when I catch others looking at me.
So I learned that you're practicing "Overcoming Social Anxiety, step by step" audio tapes as well. How is that going? Is it helping? I started doing the same since a month ago. I haven't been practicing consistently like the way it should be done. But I do think it helps.
Happy for your new job! It's pretty funny you went to the wrong company. It can happen.
On my first day of work in Japan, I went to the wrong building entirely. It was the right company, but a different set of offices. Meanwhile, a few bosses were waiting for me in the lobby. It was very embarrassing!
Hehe... but you were in a foreign country. Well, actually this place does look foreign to me at times. I need some more time to get used to it.
Thanks for stopping by, my favorite penguin!
I'm so happy for you! Congratulations on your job!
I feel the same things you and Red described when out shopping. But some days I'm just fine, which I find odd. But you completed your shopping-I'm proud of you!
Thanks, Lulabelle. I'm the same too. Sometimes worse, sometimes better. But I'm never completely good.
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