"Haigui" in Chinese refers to individuals who came back to China after studying or living in foreign countries. It usually refers to people who at least graduated from college in developed countries such as the US or somewhere in Europe. I am one of these people. I was just talking to a childhood friend who is expecting a new born in three months. Her husband graduated from a Japanese college and therefore is also a "haigui." She told me that he couldn't find a job here for two years after he came back from Japan. He also got his current job with his mother's help.
My point is that it takes time for haiguis like me to take off in China. Sometimes a couple of months, maybe half of a year or even longer period for them to find their place in China. At the same time they struggle to find adjustment and acceptance, their family struggles with them. Just like my family, my mother has expressed how disappointed she was with me. She can't believe I'm still looking for a job. Well, her complainings don't really help at all. It only makes me feel worse and pushes me down to an even lower point.
A lot of times, I blame her for my failures and problems. But can I really blame her? My mother is of the generation who struggled to get their stomach full, went throught the cultural revolution, and received little education. So it only comes natural for her to take that getting materially richer as the purpose of life. I once asked her what made her a happy person. Probably hard to imagine for our generation, her answer was... being surrounded by tons of good food. I kind of felt sorry for her that how easy she could be satisfied, that she had no spiritual or mental pursue at all.
Getting materially richer was her motivation to emigrate our family to Japan. We did get materials, but the price of that was the loss of family structures and connections. The price I had to pay was the loss of my self. At the age of almost 30, I'm still not being able to get that back. I'm hoping that I could find myself again in my own country.
About Me
- Miyonao
- I can't tell you how much I wish my life was a normal one, just like most of my childhood Chinese friends. I wish I didn't have to wander around so much and still not being able to find where I truly belong to. I'm trying to overcome my social anxiety disorder.
Thangkas
2 comments:
I think you are doing an excellent job on your road to self discovery. Once you are aware of what you need, things start to make sense. I wish you all the luck. I know you will succeed!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am actually feeling better these days, especially today. I'm hoping the best for myself. I wish the same for you too.
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