Elevator

In an elevator, being stuck with a total stranger makes me very very uncomfortable. I wish I lived on the 3rd or 4th floor so that I could just walk up the stairs.

I know I'm just thinking too much of it and am afraid of nothing. But I can't help thinking about it. Should I make an eye contact with the stranger in the elevator? Should I smile to him? But what if he takes it in a wrong way... Is the person looking at me? Should I talk to him?

I mean in the US, it's pretty simple. You just say hi. But in this country, instead of "hi," the greeting can be "oh, you just came back home," or "Did you eat?" But usually you say that to the neighbors you already know.

When anyone in the elevator who's with a kid or a dog, then it's easier for me to comment on the kid or the dog. Well, if it's a dog, then I wouldn't even be able to resist myself to ask about that "angle." I love animals.

But I can't think of anything to say when it's a young guy or a girl. I mean I'm totally fine when there are a group of people in the elevator, and I'm just one of them. I only get uncomfortable when there are only one person left besides me. It just feels so uncomfortable, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do! Well, if the other person completely ignores me, then I'm fine with that. Sometimes, he or she may look at you and maybe try to say something. Then I'm freaked out! I don't know what the hell I can say to them. Especially when it's a young guy, it's the hardest for me.

I'm sure that people with no mental illness would never think much about this kind of daily life public situations. But for me, these things take up a lot of my thoughts every single day. I know I'm being ridiculous, and there's absolutely no need for me to think about any of these. But too bad, I have no control of my mind. It's all automatic.

Even walking on the street, I have to think about useless little things like "should I look forward; should I look down to avoid eye contact with that person walking towards me; is the person walking towards me looking at me; should I make eye contact with him; why is he looking at me; why is everybody looking at me...?" I know I'm driving myself nuts. But I can't help doing it. I'm uncomfortable all the time.

I suppose all these thoughts are my negative thoughts. I need to find a way to stop getting these negative thoughts in my head and replace them with positive ones. Well, it might sound easy, but I have no idea how to accomplish that.

Well, this is good to write it down this way. It helps me clear my thoughts. Let's see. Maybe next time when I walk on the street or in an elevator with one stranger, I'll try to replace my negative useless thoughts with a happy memory or something nice that can occupy my mind.

Please let me know if someone has any suggestions. I'd appreciate it!