In Love? or Trouble?

I think I might be in love. Just like all my relationships I had in the past, if it does develop somehow, it'll be a relationship that goes to nowhere...

I'm confused again. Why do I have to like someone who's gonna eventually leave? Why do I always like to dig myself a hole that I can't get out?

He is a coworker who's from a foreign country(somewhere outside of China). We all know he'll eventually leave. I never thought of him that way until I chatted with this guy a coworker introduced me who asked me how much I weighed. Out of no reason, I thought of him. I thought of how much we enjoy talking to each other, how much we have in common, how much I admire his intelligence and maturity. It was all unconcious...now it has come up to the surface...and now I'm in "trouble." I won't have the peace of mind that I've had all these days. My brain doesn't let me control what I think. I just end up thinking about him...

I'm going to visit a temple with a girl(coworker) today. I thought to myself that I felt sorry that he couldn't go with us. All these signs of me liking him have come clear to me on the very last day of 2008.

I kind of know that if I really do wanna develop this relationship, he probably won't say no. Because I can tell it's mutual. If I enjoy talking to one person, that person usually feels the same way, isn't it the way it is?

I couldn't focus on work at all yesterday, just chatting with him all day. I was the one who started every conversation. I was one step close to tell him how I felt. Guess I made it pretty obvious??

He left for vacation. I wanted to call him before his plane took off, but I hung up a few seconds after calling. I'm hesitating and didn't know if this was right. I knew I need to calm down and think this through. But I guess I didn't hang up quick enough before my number showed up on his cell phone. He called me back twice later and I missed both. He left a text message saying in Chinese that he was getting on the plane soon and will see me in 2009. It made me happy to see his words that I didn't expect.

I know what I need is not a temporary relationship. I need a true one that we can build into something serious. If this is the condition, then I'd better forget about him right now!

What should I do? Be smart? Or just be stupid like the way I've always been? I guess the answer is pretty obvious... unfortunately and sadly it's just against my mind.

Besides, he is a coworker. Someone I work closely with... Wow, isn't it pretty bad?

Wishing everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!